My Realization
I had wrote many things in my two previous posts (the Grudge and The Grudge 2), probably because I can still feel those familiar emotions which I have been keeping to myself for so long. But that was not enough. I wasn’t done yet. Supposedly, there’s still a lot more to say about him…us…his unfaithfulness…my stupidity.
For how many weeks, I was having a hard time writing a little, at least, as continuation to those posts, but I really could not think of any. No! I can think of many things but for some reasons, I could not write it. At first I thought I was just distracted with Tristan or maybe I was just tired and so I presumed the best time to write is at night…the only time when I could not hear the irritating voice of my father and I wouldn’t be disturb by Tristan. But it wasn’t a good idea actually. Still I wasn’t able to write anything. Weird. The pain, heartache, anger … they’re all in my head but I can not feel them. Not anymore.
As time flies, I figured out the reason why I had difficulty in writing about his shortcomings, why I don’t feel bitter when his name is being mentioned, and why I don’t have to fake a smile anymore. One thing is for sure. I’m over him. I already forgave him. I don’t know how and when exactly. I can’t even believe this would happen. I thought it would be very impossible and that I should see him suffer first before I can forgive him but I just did!
Ironic. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I had too much and that I should really forget him. God knows how much I tried, but I always end up longing for him. And just when I started not to care at all and let things as it is, I also started to let go of those things… unconsciously!
I realized Gods made it easy for me. We can really count on him in times like this. We should not lose faith because he reserves something wonderful for us. There is more to life than we ever thought. We cannot expect the world to be good to us all the time but as long as we have Him, we sure can make it. He even puts us in a test. Sometimes he lets us experience so much pain for us to become tough, wise and be able to handle things the next time.
Now, life goes on for me. His (Renz) absence does not mean it’s the end of the world but rather a new beginning and a chance for me to explore what has really been in store for me. I learned to look at the bright side of things. There’s really no sense in keeping grudges. It would only stop me to enjoy other things. Besides, there’s one important thing I have to thank him for. Because of him, I have Tristan, whose smile and skills never failed to surprise and pull out my burden. And that covers his father’s shortcomings.
