Mind Over Emotions

2009!

Almost 2 years!

Still it haunts every now and then…

Can’t seem to forget.

June 12, 2007. It was my 17^th birthday when I first knew that he had courted another girl. Wow! Timing jud sa ako birthday?! I was scanning his phone and there I have read everything. I didn’t know how to react since we were in an internet café that time. I tried to focus on playing Audition but I just couldn’t so I stopped and sat beside him and watched him play Ragnarok. He notice my silence and asked, “nihilom lage ka?”  I answered, “Wala”. My eyes were on the monitor but I wasn’t really looking at it. I suddenly felt the tension between us and I was very sure he felt that too. I knew he had already had an idea that I have read those stuffs in his inbox. Duh! Nganong wa gi-delete! After a few minutes, he decided to quit playing RO and suggested that we should go back home. I said ok and walked ahead of him. My relatives we’re all there and I was quite sure that if we enter the house, we will be the center of everyone’s attention. Why not! It was my birthday and they just knew that I was pregnant so I’m sure they would ask lots of questions. After what I’ve discovered, sure I’m not in the mood to entertain anyone. So we just stayed outside instead. Again he asked me, “Hilum lage ka? Wla ko naanad”. I felt that he was guilty. And I was bothered. I wanted to ask him but I was scared. Scared of what he might going to tell me. Too scared to hear right from him that yes! He was really playing behind my back. *sigh* I was never really good at confrontations. And coward as I was, I said, “wala oi. Gikapoi lng ko”. It didn’t took long when he said he had to go because his kuya was looking for him. He even invited me to go with him. I wanted to. I always wanted to be near him but then that time I realized I needed to be alone(yeah! That’s what I always do if something’s bothering me seriously. I want to think about it over and over before I’ll share it to others or keep it to myself). So I told him, “dli lng ko. Matulog nako karon”. So there! He said goodbye to my parents, gave me a goodbye kiss then he rode on a taxi. That was it! He’s gone. No confrontation happened. I immediately went inside the house and as expected, all eyes were on me. “ Uy, ang birthday girl, asa man ni gikan?” , “happy birthday Lai” , “musta man ang butod?” , “unsa gnalihian nmo lai?”, blah blah blah.  I answered some of their questions then I excused myself. I told them I was very tired. After I kissed my elders, I hurriedly went to my little room. At last! I lie on my bed, close my eyes, and tried to figure out what was happening. How I wish it wasn’t true. But I couldn’t be wrong. I’d seen it with my own eyes. Who is she? Where did he pick that bitch? There were lots of messages from his other girl but I could only remember one text, “ Ngano gipanguyaban man ko nimo?”. It only meant one thing. He’s courting her or worst, she had already said yes to him!

Pathetic! It was my birthday. I was supposed to be having fun. YEah! I did have fun earlier, when I haven’t read those craps! I slept with a very heavy load that night.

 

That was just the start of my nightmares.

 

I just realized how stupid I was for letting him hurt me a lot of times, when in fact I could have done something for me not to get hurt.

 

After that, I did a little…well sort of investigation and I found out that the “other girl” was from Tagum City particularly in Maco. They just knew each other in friendster so I thought it’s no big deal. Knowing him! For sure she’s just one of his many flings and I’m quite used to it. Hay! Gipasagdan nalang pud nako.

One day, when we were in the mall looking for some baby stuffs, he asked me if a have a Trigonometry book. I asked, “Ngano, nagskwela diay ka?”. He answered, “Dili, akong pinsan man gud na 1^st year college nagpapalit og libro”. Doubt suddenly crossed my mind. Naa diay siya pinsan na 1^st year college? Then he added, “ sabayan nako to karon paghuman na to palit. Taga Maco man gud to. Di pa kaayo to katuod diri sa Davao. Asa pa ba lain bookstore diri?”. Yawa! Sa ako pa nangutana. Baga jud og nawng. I didn’t know how I managed to answer, “ sa C&E or sa Rex or sa National Bookstore…daghan man”.

 

After we bought some stuffs for our incoming baby, we decided to eat at Timesquare. I wasn’t talking much because I was afraid that if I open my mouth to talk, I’ll burst into tears instead. Thank God I was able to hold back my tears when I asked him, “Pwede pahiram cp?”. He answered, “ Wait..replyan sa nako ni”. After a while he handed me his phone. The first thing I did was checked his inbox. I suspiciously read every message when suddenly it beeped. I immediately open the new message while he, too, was waiting for the message to appear. Anger aroused within me as I read the text.. I love you kuya. Shit! I knew it. He pretended as if it was nothing. “aw..ig-agaw nako”.

“har! Ig-agaw bitaw!”

“Lage”

“ Ilara ko oi. Pinaka-close gani nako na pinsan di man gani mag ‘I love you’ sa text”

“Lage. Adtuon pa nato o!”

“Sus”

I was really angry with him. It was so obvious. yet he still denied it. Was he thinking I was that stupid to believe his alibis? Sh*t! I knew what I saw. So she’s here. I know they’re having an affair and it’s ok with me. I was kinda used to it. Him having lots of flings online. But the fact that this one’s staying here is a different thing. That meant they’ll be seeing each other more often.

“Tara lage! Diskumpyado man kaya ka? Adtuon lage nato!”

“Ikaw lang! Di pako ana ka desperado sa imo!!”

 

Then I stood up and walked away.., headed outside Timesquare. He followed me but I ignored him. I walked silently till I reached near Davao Doctor’s Hospital where I’ll be riding a tricycle to reach home.

 

 

to be cont…